When will it get better?

I was really, truly hoping that 2013 would be better than last year.  So far, it is NOT living up to my expectations.

I got denied for Disability.  Not a huge surprise; but I was hoping that just maybe it would be easy.  Got my lawyer, and now things are in his hands.  I trust him, and he is great.  So we are back to just waiting, and waiting, and waiting…

Finger is still fucked.  Still doing PT.  Still have zero use of the two upper joints.  And the upper joint to the tip of my finger is completely numb and useless.  I can’t pick anything up, or do anything with it.  Not even type.  I have been doing PT 3x a week since December, and that part of my finger is showing no improvement.  Another appointment with the Orthopedist on March 13th, where I am sure he will just continue PT… but I am disappointed with how things are going.

Epilepsy has gotten worse.  The sun has become my worst trigger.  I look like a female “goth” version of the Unibomber when I go outside.  Super dark glasses, something covering my head, and part of my face… and I often wear it indoors too.  In places with bright lights.  I was wearing my own creative solution for dark glasses… 2 pairs fixed together.  They didn’t look good, and I got lots of odd looks, and they weren’t super comfortable, but at least I could leave the house without seizures, migraines, and vomiting.  But then my friend Evan pointed me in the direction of a website that sells safety glasses, welding glasses/goggles, and sunglasses.  I was thrilled to find several pairs of glasses that work perfectly!  And they were cheap!  One pair was about $6, the other around $9.  and shipping was cheap too.  So Evan is my hero!  And SafetyGlassesUSA.com is my second hero, and everyone should check them out!

I now have a Cardiologist.  My heart rate is too fast, and irregular.  However, my blood pressure is on the very low end of normal.  I had to wear a Holter monitor for 24 hours to record my heart rate, and my average heart rate was 94.  The lowest was mid 80’s, and the highs were over 100.  I have to go in for an echo, just to make sure there isn’t anything wrong.  They can’t give me any medications for my heart rate, as they would also lower my blood pressure, which would cause me to pass out… a lot.

I’m also having a lot of issues with people who I though were friends.  People seem to always assume the worst of me.  I was trying to be helpful, as I was concerned for others, yet it was interpreted as a malicious act.  My bank card numbers were stolen.  Got it fixed quickly, no problem.  But then, in talking to friends online, I learned that 3 of my “bird friends” also had their card numbers stolen in the same week.  Now that seems more than coincidental.  especially since I rarely use my card – in fact, I have only used my card at 3 places online, ever.  And never at a restaurant, or retail stores.  I know that 2 of those 3 friends shop at a certain online bird store, one that I also use, and that is one of the places I have used my card.  I consider the store owner a friend.  I was concerned.  Not just for the store owner, but for my other bird friends  that shop online.  I know that not everyone checks their online banking statements the way I do.

Instead of people being appreciative for the heads up, I was attacked and vilified.  For “making accusations”  and trying to ruin her business.  For spreading rumors.  For being malicious.  For not contacting her personally.  But the thing is, I did contact her personally!!  I sent her a message right away.  The biggest issue is that these people don’t understand how hacking works, and they won’t listen to me because they have all decided that I am the bad guy.  Not a single person came to my defense.  NO ONE.  But there were a whole truckload that came to attack me.  I guess I should just accept the fact that people don’t like me, and stop trying to be friends with them.

It’s like how I am trying to get help with planning something for Jason’s 40th birthday, and Shannan-Jo’s birthday.  I get no responses, no help.  Who are my friends?  who can I trust?  It’s times like this, where the stress of all my health issues, plus the obvious fact that I don’t REALLY have any friends, that just makes me want to give up on life.