5w6d – because I just can’t think of anything else

I feel way more pregnant than I am.  I have hit the wonderful stage of bloating.  Like, I am smuggling things in my clothes, bloated.  I hate pants.  Plus, as if unimaginable bloating wasn’t bad enough, I still have all the other “fun” symptoms going on.  Nausea 24/7.  My boobs are killing me.  And I am starving, like all the time.

 

I was supposed to have my first doctors appointment today, with my new doctor.  But it didn’t happen.  Apparently, even though I gave them all my info when I made the appointment, they somehow missed the insurance info.  And, as it turns out, they don’t take my group (anymore).  So, I can either switch doctors, or switch groups.  And with my current group, there are no other doctors near me.  Minimum 30 minute drive – and I can’t drive (epilepsy), which means Jason has to take off work to take me to appointments.  If the doctor is more than 30 minutes away, that means a lot more time that he has to take off.  So now I am trying to change my group, which is easier said than done.

But, I really needed today’s appointment.  I needed the reassurance that things are going well.  I am so worried, I can’t enjoy the fact that I am, indeed, pregnant.

Plus, because there was no appointment today, that means that I will have to make another appointment, ASAP.  So Jason will miss more work.  Hopefully I can change my group, so I can see this doctor that is close to me.  I just want things to be ok, and for everything to work out.

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Hello nausea!

Been feeling sick for over a week and a half now… and it just keeps getting worse.  I feel a bit better as long as I am eating CONSTANTLY!  I didn’t know I was capable of eating this much.  But as the nausea gets worse, it is harder and harder to eat anything.

I’m starving, I’m sick, I’m sore, I’m tired, my boobs are killing me…. and I’m only 5 weeks in!

As much as I hate feeling like crap, in a way I’m glad I feel like crap.  The worse I feel… well, the better the chance of a positive outcome.  I am trying really hard not to worry, to just be excited.  But it is so hard not to worry.  I thought things were going well last time.  But, last time I only made it to 9 weeks.

Must try to remain positive.  Must not worry.  I wish I had a crystal ball that could tell me that everything will be ok.

Take a deep breath

My birthday was uneventful.  We went to dinner at The Cheesecake Factory.  I had all of my favorite things.  And my mom babbled the ENTIRE time. Sigh

Saturday, we went out looking for hair dye.  I had had a meltdown earlier last week because I need to dye my hair, and couldn’t find the color.  Luckily, we were able to find the color… so Jason made me get 3 boxes.  We had lunch, and then we had to go to the dollar store.  My period still hadn’t showed up, and I have been feeling nauseated, among other issues.  I refuse to pay 8-10 times as much for a pee stick when I can get them at the dollar store for $1.

Sunday, we had to get up early so that we could go to Birthday Brunch.  And of course, the very first thing I did was pee… on the stick.

At first, I was trying not to look at it.  I am tired of seeing negatives.  It was probably only 1 minute that I was able to avoid looking at it.  At first, it looked like another negative.  Then I looked closer, as I was still bleary eyed from sleep.  There was a line…. faint, but there.  By the 2 minute mark… there was no denying it – POSITIVE!

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I went and told Jason… who was still mostly asleep.  His response was “huh, well, good morning to you too”.

That was not the response I wanted.

On the way to brunch, we were trying to decide if we should tell everyone at brunch.  Part of me really wants to tell everyone.  But the other part of me is terrified.  I’m filled with “What-ifs”.  I am so worried that things will turn out like last time.  I am trying not to worry, and just be happy… but that is SO FREAKING HARD!

We did end up telling everyone at brunch.  And Jason called his Mom and told her.  I haven’t told my mom, as I think she will just be negative.

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Because I lost my old insurance, I can’t see my old OB/GYN.  I’m really bummed about that, as I love her.  And because I now have medi-cal, I am super limited when it comes to finding a doctor.  There is only 1 OB/GYN in Encinitas.  And, because of my epilepsy, I don’t drive, and our only car is with Jason – at work.  I called the 1 and only OB/GYN that is close.  Apparently, when you have medi-cal, you can’t just set up your first pre-natal visit.  You have to go in for a Medi-cal Mandated prelim visit.  And those are only done on Tuesdays and Thursdays, at 9 am.  Which means Jason will have to take off work to take me.  But, I have no other option.  So next Tuesday, May 27, I have the prelim appointment at 9 am.

The one bonus to this early, prelim appointment is that I get to see a doctor soon.  It gives me time to make sure things are ok.  It also gives me time to go over all of my concerns.  I can bring this new doctor (or someone from his office) up to date on the back story of my last pregnancy.  The MC, the complications, the hemorrhaging.  I can also bring up the fact that I have a younger sister with Down Syndrome.  Plus, all my own medical issues – the epilepsy, the Dysautonomia, the POTS, the OCD, the everything else.  I need the reassurance.

Right now, I just need to breathe.  Take a deep breath, and relax.  Try not to worry.  Haha… good luck on that one!