Trying to avoid the reality of this weekend

So tomorrow is Mother’s Day.  Feels unfair.  And only a week and a half after my would-have-been-due-date.  But, trying not to be too negative.  Hah!

Last weekend, we did end up buying a new car.  I still have mixed feelings.  We traded in my car.  The car that I bought back in 2005, with the idea of kids in mind.  MY CAR.  And we traded in Jason’s truck.  No biggie there.  But, we went from 2 cars to 1.  Which shouldn’t be a thing, but it’s a thing in my head.  It is such a visual and physical reminder that I have no freedom.

My old car.  2002 Saturn VUE  Me, and my last moments with my old car.  Jason's truck. 1995 Toyota pickup

With epilepsy… well, it limits my freedom.  I technically still have my driver’s license, because the DMV is stupid, I guess.  But, part of my epilepsy involves hallucinations, which can be very dangerous at 75 mph down the freeway.  And although I mainly have simple partial seizures, I do rarely have complex partial seizures, where I black out.  I have had a blackout while driving, and totaled the first version of my car that I bought in 2005.  So it is a huge risk to drive, and I don’t do it anymore.

When buying the new car, we had a few things in mind.  To Jason, the ONLY important thing was fuel mileage.  To me, I wanted to make sure that it was comfortable to get in and out.  I wanted to make sure we got a car that was big enough to hold my wheelchair.  And, I wanted to keep in mind that we have 10 birds, and we transport a few at a time on a regular basis.  As well as all their stuff.  I wanted to make sure the car we got had room enough for all of that.  And I repeatedly voiced those concerns to Jason, who was still focused solely on fuel mileage.

The thoughts that I didn’t voice had to do with kids.  It is such a touchy subject for me, and he is a typical guy who doesn’t think of things like that.  Like, how would this car be with a kid’s seat… will it hold a stroller… how hard would it be to get a kid in the car…?  When I bought my last car, I thought about all of those things.  So trading in my car was kind of like dismissing all my careful planning.  How can I explain to anyone that my current lack of child is totally ruining my car buying experience??  That just sounds ridiculous!


But, we ended up getting a 2012 Honda Insight.  It is a hybrid that gets 41/44 MPG.  It is an amazing blue color, almost a turquoise.  The wheelchair fits perfectly in the back…. cause it is a hatchback.  It is low to the ground, which I hate.  But, of our options, and our budget, the car is a win.

Jason and the new car

   Jason and the new car

Me and the new car

Me and the new car