The world is on fire

There have been more than 9 fires in San Diego County in the last 3 days.  And not little fires.  As I type… over 10,000 acres have burned.  Many homes and buildings have been lost.  But so far, no one has been injured.

8 fires started yesterday.  One of them, the San Marcos fire, started after 3 pm.  And right now, it is still ripping and burning away the earth.  It is currently the most severe, and is doing the most damage.  At 4:25 pm on Thursday, May 15th … it is 94 degrees outside, and 84 degrees in my house.  I live on the coast, where it never gets this hot.  Especially not in May.  July or August, maybe… but never May.  We have had record high temperatures all over San Diego the last 2 days.  This does not bode well.

While dealing with the external turmoil… I’m also dealing with my own inner turmoil.  I have been feeling nauseated every day this last week.  And starving.  The two do not go well together.  My period should have started yesterday… but it didn’t.  I’m trying not to get my hopes up.  I’m tired of getting my hopes up, and having them dashed.

Tomorrow is my birthday.  I will be 32.  I didn’t used to care about my age.  But since the MC, I am acutely aware of my age, and what that can mean.

My birthday also brings up the realization of how few friends I seem to have.  The people that I think of as friends… apparently they don’t view me as such.  They make zero effort to do things with me.  And for my last 2 birthdays… everyone bailed.  I hosted my own parties, and no one came.  Doesn’t make me want to celebrate.  Makes me feel like shit.  This year, I am aiming low.  Talking about brunch on Sunday… in a location that is inconvenient for me, yet more convenient for my friends.  I still don’t have high hopes.

So I sit here, and watch the county burn, as there is non-stop coverage on tv.  I’m trying to ignore the status of my uterus… as I don’t trust it.  And I’m trying to feel neutral about my birthday.

Stay safe everyone!

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